Sidelined, Old, Introverted

I feel the fire in my soul when I think about all the voices being heard. I know what it’s like to be someone sidelined. I know what it’s like to be the outside fool. I know what it’s like to be tossed aside like so much trash. I’d like to see bookshelves filled with stories for everyone. I’d like those shelves to reflect all the different kinds of people we are, with special space for the voices that have never been heard. I want to see that bookshelf in every language. I pray that there will be stories for everyone to find connections.

Have you ever felt like you’re just too old, like you don’t have a place in this world, that you somehow been sidelined your whole life? Have you felt that no one will let you in the game. It’s something that began when you were very young: we would get in line and they would pick teams, I would be the last person anyone would want on their team. I wasn’t so broken that they put me away, but there’s always the sense that I didn’t. belong. Go sit In the corner. You’re too old. You’re picked last.

Is it OK to be an introvert? I am so exhausted by this extrovert nation. I want to sit back and be quiet. Quiet takes time. It takes effort. Quiet doesn’t just happen. I’m so tired of feeling bruised by everything. Do I have to be in swarms of people to put my best foot forward? Do I have to influence you to have a meaning within myself? Can’t I just close my eyes and feel my humanity but also feel my being, my every atom, there in the beginning when the big bang blew up. I have some introspection to get to. It will require staring out the window for a long time. You may be bored. I feel sorry for you.

A quote.

I was told many years ago by my grandmother who raised me: If somebody puts you on a road and you don’t feel comfortable on it and you look ahead and you don’t like the destination and you look behind and you don’t want to return to that place, step off the road. Maya Angelou.